Over the past four years, I’ve noticed a tactic the devil has been using against me. Something he tries to get me to believe so that I don’t do something.
He uses my anxiety against me. He makes me believe the worst is going to happen. He makes me question why I’m doing this in the first place.
He’s used this tactic on me in a variety of different scenarios: FOCUS conferences, working at camp, and going on a mission trip, just to name a few.
Why is this important?
I notice this particular trend when an event has the ability to change my life. And to change my life for the better. Above, I listed a few different scenarios where I think the devil has tried to get to me. But today, I’d like to focus on working at camp.
The devil started playing with my head long before last summer began.
Our campus minister at Newman House and one of the girls that had worked at camp before had both reached out to me about working at camp for the Summer 2016 camp season. But I said no to both of them.
Fast forward a few months. I knew that I’d need to get a job for the following summer. So I applied for an internship with an archabbey to lead a conference. But I ended up not being selected. After that, I decided to apply for camp.
Fast forward another few months. I was chosen to come to one of two interview weekends. I decided to go to the one that was over my spring break.
And the devil saw this as his chance to start playing with me.
While I was at the interview weekend, I felt almost like an outsider. Sure, I knew the camp director, the assistant program director, and another one of the interviewees. But I felt as if I was walking in on a close-nit group of friends. People knew each other and were throwing around names and terms I didn’t know. Even after the interview itself, I was afraid I had messed up.
I learned on Holy Saturday of last year that I had been offered the job. The people making the decision had prayed about who was to be chosen for staff. And since I was one of the ones that God had placed on their hearts for staff, they sent me the letter offering me the job. And I accepted.
The devil used this, though, to continue playing games with my head.
During staff training, I felt as though I had gotten myself in over my head. I asked myself “What have I gotten myself into?” I feared that I had gotten myself in too deep. But I later saw that the devil was planting those thoughts into my head.
The devil kept trying to get into my head over the course of the summer. But to no use.
Last summer was one of the best, if not the best, of my life.
Even though the devil tried to get to me all summer, I didn’t let him stop me. I stayed at camp. I did what I needed to do. Sure, I made mistakes, but that didn’t stop me either.
I did my job, connected with some of the campers, made memories with the other staff members, and learned about myself.
God turned doubts into one of the best things that has happened to me.
And for that, I am thankful. I made memories I won’t forget. I formed relationships that touched my heart and soul. I went out of my comfort zone. And sometimes, I went way out of my comfort zone.
Don’t get me wrong, the summer had its rough patches. But we got through them.
By the end of the summer, the staff was a family.
There were disagreements between staff members, but we were able to get through them. We built each other up. We were there for each other.
Even though I was closer to some more than I was to others, they were, and are, my family. God knew what He was doing when He put me at camp.
And although I’m not at camp this summer, I still wish my camp people the best.
I pray for them everyday. That they can grow together as a family. That they can build each other up and not tear each other down.
And no matter where I go or what I go through, there’s one thing I hope will be true for the rest of my life and beyond:
I talk about camp and my family there quite a bit. But that’s because they made such a difference in my heart and my life. God worked through my fear. He gave me some of the best people. And for that, I am forever greatful.
And if any of my camp family is reading this, know of my prayers and my love. I’m proud that I got to meet you and work with you. I wish you only the best.