Opening My Heart and Learning From My Mistakes

Hello, and happy Friday!

Before I get into the main part of the post, I wanted to let you know about something that I’ve decided to do here on the site. Up until last week, I would publish a post on Friday or Saturday about one of the saints: their life and why I like them. But last week, I decided to put those posts on the shelf. At least for the time being.

This week, I’ve decided to do something new.

I’ve let you guys see into some of what is going on in my life. Every Friday, I’ll be telling you how I’ve seen God in my life in the past week. There’s another reason that I’m wanting to do this:

I want you to know that I'm human, too.
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I have struggles just like you. I can struggle to see where God moves or is present in my life. But here’s what I want y’all to know:

You're not alone.
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With that being said, here’s where I’ve seen God this week:

I’m a person that likes to have control. This is especially true when planning out the day, week, etc. I like to know what’s going to happen and when. Part of it may be my anxiety. Part of it may be my personality. It’s quite possible that it’s a combination of the two.

So I find it difficult to let God have complete control of my future.
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In my mind, I know that God’s plan is far better than mine and He only wants the best for me. And I logically know that God only wants me to be happy.

But I still have doubt and worry. It’s as if my heart doesn’t truly believe that God has my best interest at heart. It’s as if part of me believes that God’s plan isn’t what I want and that God is secretly out to hurt me or make my life miserable. But I know and have to tell myself that this isn’t the case.

This is where God came in this week.

In prayer this week, I’ve been able to remember and believe that I’m actually speaking to someone that truly exists (which is an issue that I’ve had in the past). And I’ve been able to be honest with Him this week, telling Him that I’m hesitant to let Him into my heart.

sacramento
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And this week, I’ve truly meant it. I told Him, despite my hesitancy, to lead me where He needs me to be. I’ve told Him this in the past, but this week, I’ve been able to say it with sincerity.

But that isn’t the only place I’ve seen Him this week.

Over the past few months, I’ve struggled with the same sin over and over again. I’ll go to Confession with the mindset that I’m going to change this time. But then in a week or two’s time, I’ve committed the same sin that I said I wouldn’t do.

And over the past month or two, I’ve been able to begin understanding why this sin is a sin. And this week, I’ve begun to be repulsed by the sin I’ve been committing. But that isn’t the only progress I’ve made this week.

I realized that just because I've sinned, God won't love me any less than He did before.
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That doesn’t mean that I’m exempt from going to Confession, because I still need to go in order to repair the tear that’s been made in our relationship.

But this week, I finally understood that God will love me no matter what I do.

That doesn’t mean I can go and do whatever I want with complete disregard of the rules. That doesn’t mean that I can do whatever and expect God to forgive me without me being repentant. I mean, technically, I probably could, but that would be taking advantage of God’s nature. And I’m not the type of person who enjoys taking advantage of others.

But long story short:

If I make a mistake, fall into temptation, or fall into a bad habit, God isn’t going to love me any less. He’s still going to love me and He’s still going to choose to love me.

He knows that I'm only human and that I'm bound to make mistakes along the way.
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All I can do is learn from and about my mistakes and put effort into doing them again.

So, with that, I’m going to end this post.

I hope that you have a great rest of the day and a great weekend. If you found any of this relatable, please let me know in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you! And if you know someone who could benefit reading this, please share it with them!

-Victoria

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