This has been another week that has seemed calm. But there has been progress made in my relationship with God. And we discussed a variety of things. But in this post, we’re going to just focus on one thing that God and I talked about this week.
And the progress I’ve made with this one thing is something I’ve struggled with for a while.
The reason I think I’ve struggled with this is because of a couple of reasons.
- I think of myself as an independent person. Yes, I like hanging out with other people and having quality time with them, but I also value having time alone. And I’ve gotten used to functioning on my own and doing my own thing. But, God wants to know me on a deeply intimate level. And this means allowing Him to know EVERYTHING about me (my hopes, joys, faults, failures, thought process, what I want to do that day, whether I took a shower or not, when was the last time I went to the bathroom; well, you get the point). And this intimidates me. I’m not used to having someone know that much about me. I’m not used to someone wanting to know that much about me.
- I’ve put up barriers. I’ve put up barriers around my heart, keeping me from feeling too much. I tend to say I do this because of the things I experienced in the past: bullying, the deaths of two grandparents, the divorce of my parents, and so on. I like to think that the reason I’ve blocked myself off is so that I don’t get hurt again. And it’s difficult for me to open up to God, who I logically know won’t hurt me. He’ll do anything to prevent me from getting hurt.
Okay, but what do these struggles have to do with your making progress?
As I’ve made clear, I struggle to be vulnerable. But in prayer on Wednesday, Jesus told me something that I need to keep in mind more often:
I think that I try to convince myself that becoming vulnerable to God is this incredibly difficult thing. But as I was experiencing yesterday, it doesn’t have to be difficult. And there’s one thing that I think Jesus has been trying to teach me this week:
Jesus wants to get to know me. The real me, without any kind of mask or barrier in the way. And how can He do this if I keep barriers up or don’t tell Him everything that’s going on in my life and in my mind?
And this includes telling Him about what I’m worried about, what I’m thinking about, the silly things that happen, the weird things that go through my mind, etc., etc.
As I close out today’s post, I have some things for you to think about:
Where are you putting up barriers in your relationship with God? Why do you think you’ve put up those barriers? What do you think you can do to break down those barriers?
Until next time, I hope you have a great Friday and a fantastic weekend!