What Does Jesus Think of Me?

Hello!

A whole heck of a lot happened this week when it came to my interactions with Jesus and the other two members of the Trinity.

And it all began on Friday.

Friday evening, I was struggling a bit with prayer. The reason why was because I was up at my grandparents’ house, so I just struggled to find time to sit down and pray for the normal amount of time that I normally do.

But Jesus provided.

We were waiting for our pizza to be finished (which was going to take a little under an hour and a half), so my grandmother and I went back to the house before going back to pick up the pizza. And I decided to pray while we were waiting. I went off into a room at the other end of the house, sat down, and started to pray.

And when I started to pray, I felt something that doesn’t always happen in my prayer. I very distinctly remember the feeling that Jesus sat down next to me on the couch, turned a bit to face me, and gave me His full attention.

And I thought this was pretty darn cool. I mean, logically, I know that this is something that happens every time I pray. But it was cool to feel it.

And then the coolness continued.

I had a realization that night in prayer. I was told last summer by one of my favorite priests to look in the mirror at myself (my eyes specifically) until I saw Jesus in my eyes. I was doing this Friday afternoon and was reminded of something that came up in prayer a while ago.

What if when God created humans, He didn’t mean “in our image” as the physical body? What if, instead, He meant the soul? Then that would mean that we’re made of the same stuff as God. (Or at least our souls are made to be like God’s.)

And guess what?

He didn’t do that for any other being. But He did it for humans. That means He thinks we’re pretty darn special.

I also had the thought on Friday that I’m looking forward to hearing what Jesus’s laugh sounds like.

God continued to reach out to me on Sunday. He told me that He’s with me to the end.

And this was comforting for me to hear. The reason why is because on Sunday, I felt like I’m just going from day to day without a plan. But I knew logically that God has a plan. But then I thought, how can I trust His plan when I don’t even trust Him most of the time?

And another thought of struggle that crossed my mind was that I felt like my brain was scattered and that my life reflected that.

Then that evening when about to go to sleep, I decided to try to pray some more since I didn’t feel like my prayer had been that great earlier in the day.

And it was in this prayer that something incredibly special came to mind.

Jesus chose me and He chose to come down and die for me. He gave up Heaven for 33 years to die for me. And the Father and the Holy Spirit knew Jesus was going to have to die, but they knew that’s what it took to get me. And Jesus still chooses me.

I was thinking back on this on Monday. And then a cool, but kind of heartbreaking thought came to my mind: Jesus chooses me even when I don’t choose myself.

After I read the Gospel for Monday’s Daily Mass, I processed it and an encouraging thought came to mind: even people with the smallest of faiths can do great things.

And the reason this stuck out to me is because I’ve struggled with my faith and my prayer for a while now. My heart and mind not being connected. My prayer feeling lackluster sometimes. Struggling with believing what we as Catholics believe, even the core stuff. Struggling with the same sin. Struggling with the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Having this thought that the smallest faith can still do great things was an encouragement for me because it reminds me that I can still do great things.

And something cool happened on Tuesday, even if it wasn’t as cool in the same straightforward way the first few days of the week were.

This week, I fell back into the same sin that I’ve been struggling with for the past few months. Up until this week, I had been doing alright. But something got into me and I fell into that temptation.

But what was cool about this was that I saw a video on social media from a priest that was chanting a part of the Liturgy of the Eucharist in a 600-year-old church. And this reminded me of how beautiful the Church and her traditions are.

And this got me to make the decision to actually go to Confession. Because the Church is beautiful. And I want to experience that beauty without feeling tainted. And I want to experience life without feeling tainted. And experience my relationship with Jesus untainted.

One last thing for this week.

I went to Confession on yesterday.

While I was waiting to go to Confession (and after Confession), I was reminded of how beautiful the Church is. But then I got to thinking:

If the Church is this beautiful on earth, how beautiful must Heaven be?

But Jesus didn’t leave it there. He told me something that I’ve been struggling with.

So, I’ve been struggling with concentrating in prayer and in life in general. And I feel like there’s chaos in my life. But He reminded me that I can control trying to concentrate. So, I have more control over things than I’ve let myself believe.

And so, with that, here’s today’s challenge:

Until next time!

– Victoria

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