This week has been different compared to last week.
The week kind of started with a bang.
I remember going down to Murray for the Vigil Mass for the Immaculate Conception. But during Mass, I had an anxiety attack concerning where I am in my adult life.
And I remember going into prayer after getting home from Mass and dinner. I wrote a letter to Jesus and ended up making one of the most sincere prayers I’ve made in a while, asking Jesus to help me.
Then I got into a rhythm of prayer that was different from that of last week.
From Friday until Monday, my prayer included the following (not necessarily all in one prayer session):
- Verbal heart prayer
- Listening to a song (or songs)
- Reading part of The Name of God is Mercy
- Reading Scripture passages
And then on Tuesday, I got back into that routine that I had last week.
I read Matthew 10:34-39 for Lectio. And while I was going through the Lectio process, I was reminded of part of who Jesus is.
How often do we think of Jesus as the peacemaker? The one that’s calm and will bring calm? Well, this passage goes against that. Jesus reminds us in this passage that He’s not here to make peace, but to find those who will do what He needs them to do.
I also read part of The Name of God is Mercy. And there were a couple of things in particular that stuck out to me.
One was “our humanity is wounded” (42). I think this is such a good way of discussing us as humans. Especially feeling the way I was Friday night.
The second was the concept of Jesus being annihilated (42). We normally don’t see these two words or concepts put together. So seeing them together strikes a chord.
Wednesday saw the continuation of the pattern plus some other aspects.
Before going into Lectio, I tried to put myself in God’s presence/remember that God is alive. And while I was doing this, a couple of things came to mind:
- Just let yourself believe. Don’t force it.
- Am I actually in a dark place or am I keeping myself there?
You guys know about the first one since I’ve told you guys about it in previous posts. But the second one, I haven’t discussed as much. To give you the gist of the story, I’m struggling with my anxiety and trying to figure out what to do with my life.
When I got to Lectio, I read Revelation 21:1-4. And what stuck out to me was the verse: “the dwelling of God is with men.”
There are a couple of different reasons this stuck out to me. The first is because I’ve struggled (and still struggle) with feeling God’s presence in my life inside and outside of prayer. But it also reminded me of a clip from one of my favorite movies.
In The Return of the King, Lord Elrond brings the re-forged sword to Aragorn and tells him to become who he was meant to be. But what struck me was at the end of this exchange, Elrond tells Aragorn “I give hope to men,” to which Aragorn replies, “I keep none for myself.” Jesus helped my mind make this connection and it made my little geeky heart happy.
With that, I’ll let you guys have a good weekend!