Goodness, God. How Much Are You Going to Do?

Hello!

This week has been a pretty cool week, especially where God’s been concerned.

It all started last Friday.

One of camp’s fire circles with the river in the background.

As you guys know, I went to camp this week for a former staff weekend.

Well, I prayed on Friday before I left the house because I didn’t know if I’d have the chance once I got on the road and got to camp.

Here are a couple of the thoughts that I had while in prayer Friday:

  • No matter what happens in my life, camp will always be there to welcome me home.
  • God is the same way. No matter what happens, He’s always going to be there and He’s always going to welcome me back.

And then Saturday’s prayer was incredibly cool.

Camp’s monstrance, beautifully lit as we wait for Jesus to be exposed.

I didn’t keep notes while in prayer on Saturday, but here are some of the things I remember coming up:

  • The fact that camp will always be home, regardless of what happens in my life or how much time has passed since I was last there or I was on staff. Even in my uncertainty of where home is outside of camp.
  • Jesus is always with me. He even whispers “I’m here.”
  • Jesus is heartbroken when I pull away from Him with a look of distrust in my eyes, not trusting Him with my heart and what’s going on in my life. He then showed me an image of what it would be like if I was in His position. It was heartbreaking.

In Sunday’s prayer, God kind of hit me with something.

Pages from my prayer notebook.

We all know that I have issues trusting God with control of my life/my dreams. Well, in prayer on Sunday, I felt this thought come to mind:

Putting your hopes/dreams/plans into God’s hands means putting them into hands more capable than your own.

This just kind of hit me out of nowhere. But at the same time, it made perfect sense.

And then on Monday, God hit me with a couple of different things.

At the beginning of prayer, God told me: “No matter what, I still love you.” This hit me because I’ve continued to fall into the same sin that I’ve been dealing with for months. With that and whatever else happens in my life, God will still love me.

In light of dealing with the same sin, God hit me when He told me the following: “If you’re repentant, then why do you keep doing it?” This struck a chord a bit and I thought that it made perfect sense.

Also, I think that God has placed a dream/plan on my heart. I say this because I have a plan and a goal that I’m excited about. And this comes after weeks or months of being uncertain about what I’m supposed to be doing with my life.

Tuesday was jam packed with productiveness in prayer.

Sunday’s prayer notes.

It began in much the same way Monday’s prayer did: referencing the sin I’ve been dealing with. And God had a bit to say about this:

The momentary moment of pleasure a sin gives you doesn’t, and shouldn’t, compare to what Heaven or the thought of Heaven brings you. Sin and Heaven are not comparable.

This is a deep thought. And I think it accurately captures part of the relationship between Heaven and sin.

But that vein of thought didn’t end there. I had the thought immediately after: Would you rather have a moment or eternity?

From there, I think my mind drifted to my career/possible career. I mentioned the possibility of God placing a dream/plan on my heart. I’m still kind of on the fence about it, but this thought came to mind:

Writing (and moving to Murray?) isn’t the norm. But maybe God is calling me to go outside of the norm.

If you know me or have been keeping up with the blog, you’ll know that my comfort zone can be fairly narrow. So going outside of the norm means going outside of my comfort zone. But if camp taught me just one thing, it was that going outside of your comfort zone can yield great things.

And then finally, I read Hosea 11:1-9. This is a passage that I’ve picked apart before and it has to be one of my favorites from the Old Testament. These thoughts came to me while analyzing it Tuesday:

  • Imagine yourself in Israel’s place and God’s saying this to/about you.
  • Imagine God being sorrowful throughout this passage and telling these things to a council, on which Israel sits. This makes it even sadder.

During Wednesday’s and yesterday’s prayer, I didn’t keep notes.

Wednesday, I went down to Murray for a meeting with the Director of the Newman House for a newsletter we were working on. While I was there at Newman, I went into the Chapel to pray/talk to Jesus. Before doing that, though, I did something that I’ve done for the previous three years.

The Newman House for Murray State University has the tradition of drawing a patron saint for the liturgical year at the first Eucharistic Adoration of Advent. Since I am an alumna and wasn’t there, Newman’s Director invited me to pick my saint for the year.

Quick side note, in this tradition, we believe we do not choose the saint, but the saint chooses us.

My St. Sebastian medal.

The first year we did this, Sebastian was my patron. I think this was cool because he is believed to be from France. Not only that, but he was a Roman soldier and part of the Praetorian Guard. The reason this stood out to me was because my Confirmation saint, Joan of Arc, was also a French soldier.

My JPII medal.

My second patron saint was John Paul II. Initially, I had accidentally picked up two saints. And one of the other students had seen one of the cards. I put the cards down, shuffled the cards, and picked one up. I turned it over and saw JPII. What’s cool is the other student said JPII was one of the cards I picked up the first time. So I think JPII was adamant that he chose me. And I think he chose me because ended up working at a youth camp that summer. And while he was alive, JPII had a special connection with the youth of the Church.

And last year, Dymphna was my patron. I’m of the thought that she chose me because I was going to graduate from college during her year and was going to be going through some anxiety ridden situations. And those situations might be made worse by my Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The reason I bring these things up is because Dymphna is the patroness of mental illnesses. And I think she could’ve come in handy with the family emergency we had in June, where anxieties and stress could understandably have run high.

My Pancras card.

All of this has a point because Wednesday, I met my patron for the liturgical year: St. Pancras, the patron of children, jobs, shop owners, and health. Since we’re still at the beginning of the year, I can only take a guess as to why Pancras chose me. I’m the owner of this site, so that aspect would kind of make sense. But one that makes even more sense is my plan to work on my career. So it would make sense for me to have a friend in higher places who can help with jobs.

And then yesterday, I remember my prayer being tied to me going to Confession and wanting to change after Confession.

Not only that, but there was something else on my mind. My home parish has Confessions from 11 to 11:45 am on Thursdays followed by Mass at 12:05 pm. I was kind of torn between whether or not to stay for Mass or to go ahead and go get lunch and head home. I ended up heading out for lunch and heading home.

But this got me to thinking about a goal for my faith life for 2019. While I was in college, I got into the routine of going to daily Mass at least once a week (normally on Wednesdays). So I thought that maybe one of my goals (alongside the one or two I already have) for the new year could be to go to daily Mass on Wednesday evenings when I’m within a reasonable distance of my home parish.

And with that, I’m going to close out the post.

I know this was a longer than usual post, but I had a lot to cover. Clearly.

So until next time, I hope you have a fantastic Friday and a great weekend!

-Victoria

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