There’s something that I started last year but have picked up again here recently. And this thing is making a list of qualities that we want to find in someone we want to marry.
This is something people in my generation might want to consider doing. Our society wants us to either settle or accept things that shouldn’t be acceptable. Generally, our society’s standards are pretty low and/or flexible for serious relationships. It’s teaching us to be accepting of things that we shouldn’t even be considering.
With my personal list, I like to keep the standards pretty high. These standards remain high in several different areas: how he treats and interacts with me, our kids, our families, and our friends; how he leads; how he practices his faith; etc. And I don’t want to settle. I don’t want to give up my list of what to see in the man that I might marry. And the reason why is because these are qualities that I want to have myself. They’re qualities that I want him to understand, agree with, and uphold. And they’re things that I want him to challenge me to do as well.
In creating the list, we have to keep a few things in mind. What kind of person do we want to spend the rest of our lives with? What kind of role model to we want for any future kids? How do we want to relate with our families? What will be acceptable in the relationship? What won’t be acceptable?
We have to remember that the person that we marry is going to be our person for the rest of our lives. So we have to be picky while we’re single/dating so that we know they’ll hold up our standards when we are married. And that they will for years.
No one’s list will be 100% the same. There will be some things one person wants that another person doesn’t. There will be some things one person will allow that another won’t.
We have to focus on what we desire and not compare our goals with those of others.
If you’re thinking about making a list like this, I’d say go ahead and make it. There may be things in your current or past relationships that you don’t want going forward. Don’t be afraid to list those things as things that you don’t want in future relationships. But if there are things that you see in relationships that you have now that you know you want, by all means, include those as well. And include things that you value and that you want a partner to value as well.
It might be difficult to make the list and keep up the high standards now and at this point in our lives. But I think it’ll be worth it in the long run.